Coping up with seeing attractive people and being jealous

 “Jealousy against attractive people is a common feeling, but it can be difficult to deal with. One way to cope is to focus on your own positive qualities and accomplishments. Remember that everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and that beauty is subjective. It can also be helpful to work on building self-confidence, and to practice self-care activities that make you feel good about yourself. Finally, try to reframe your thoughts and focus on positive aspects of the situation, such as the opportunity to appreciate beauty around you.”

This is what the AI come up with but for me I have a different perspective when it comes to this subject. When I was growing up, I always am surrounded with people acknowledging my looks and I think I look decent enough and sometimes my face are somewhat fits the standard of a filipino guy (not the body though). I am not the type of individual who always got people talking when it comes to the most attractive one in a certain setting (except when I was in my Senior High School days because we only have like around 9 or 10 guys in the class and the rest are all girls). I think that I do not have to be embarrassed when it comes to my looks but I must say that I am not that attractive compared to other people.

I honestly think it is so detrimental for everyone to grow up with people constantly parading how you look, whether it is complimenting you or judging your looks. Despite having numerous positive traits, my mom also is a factor in this case as she is always pointing out whether I look good or not. When she compliments me, I became happy but then when she points out things that bother her or did not fit the standard, she will say it to me. I don’t think her reason is to hurt me when she was doing that because she just want the best for me and to avoid any criticisms from people. This is the start of my journey becoming so insecure when it comes to my looks.

I think that going through my high school era, it got so serious that sometimes I even became so sad because I was being bullied on my every actions, especially with my looks. My height was not up to standard because a lot of guys are much more taller than me and also my weight. I was so skinny back then that even my so called friends are calling me “skeleton” or bones, which honestly hurts but then I was able to become okay with it. Before entering high school, I know that my teeth was so crooked that I do not smile with teeth when taking my pictures. It was one of my biggest insecurities back then because it was pointed out all the time and I was asking my parents to give me the opportunity to put braces on it to fixed it. After I got my teeth fixed, there are other insecurities that arises because I already made changes to my other one. I think if I went to a doctor, I can be diagnosed with body dysmorphia (which I do not have the power to say because I am not a licensed physician who can diagnose people with these matters).

Right now, I am just overall insecure with myself, especially with my face, body and personality. Here in Canada, I feel like my insecurities became worse because I did not fit their standard of beauty (which is typically people who are either have a western features or other races that is very attractive). This is one of the reasons why I was thinking of not staying here permanently because it is affecting my mental health. Do not get me wrong about this situation because I am also doing something to improve my overall looks and mind set when it comes to this but still there would be thoughts that will just came to you and it can affect your mood eventually. I enrolled to an expensive gym just because I want something to motivate myself to go there consistently. I was so shocked when I first went there because in the locker, people just do not care about whether their bodies are exposed to other men but I became used to it. When I go to the gym, I had to eliminate my thinking of looking to other people and admire their looks because I do not want them to be uncomfortable and I am there to work out my body and improve it.

I had to stop going to the gym for two weeks because I had anal fissure (which I think is TMI). I was in that point of my life where I just want to lay down on my bed and just sleep and rest because I was having a hard time walking, standing and even sitting down because it was hurting me so bad. My efforts of bulking up to gain weight was put aside because I am afraid to have a bowel movement so food at that time was a scary part. Right now I am fortunately okay and I am so happy to become normal again because I can’t imagine to be like that for a long time. When I got that anal fissure, I had a realization because it was caused by something that is sensitive to mention here (maybe i’ll make a blog about that in the future). I realize that my efforts of looking for a relationship is not making me happy because I was just having constant hook ups with guys that I did not have any relationship with and I think I am in that point of my life that I want to be with someone who can give me a stable relationship. I already deleted all of my dating apps (especially Grindr) because I learned my lesson on this situation.

Working in a hotel, studying in a university and going to a gym, I always saw people who I considered attractive and would want to be with them to be in a relationship or even imaging hooking up with them. I realize this is so detrimental to my mental health because I am expecting to be with them and think that they also want me. Right now, I am exercising to be nonchalant when I am in the same area as them because I don’t want to be hurt anymore because of my mindset about this. It hurts that when you want someone but then you know they don’t want you but I think that is just life in general where I have to learn to live with it. I do not know if I am making sense but I am just sprouting down my thoughts in this topic because it bothers me and I think it would help if I share these to someone.

Roiji, 23

2023