My thoughts on dating
As a 22-year-old guy living in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, I am now on the dating scene. I was reading from my cousin’s blog that she doesn’t use it anymore because it’s been years since she last posted something; I got triggered to do another blog post that isn’t just photos. I wanted to let out my thoughts when it comes to dating because it is customary to date at my age, and many people I know are getting into it as well.
I don’t see myself as someone who could date people I like because of my high standards regarding my significant other. I think it’s primarily because of reading too many romance books from Wattpad and novels that my standards became like this. It is a problem I am aware of since I am not that amazing compared to others, so why would I impose this on others?
I tend to use dating apps like Grindr and Tinder only to get guys to hook up with. At first, I thought of using the apps to find someone to date, but unconsciously, I use it to find someone I can fuck with if I am being blunt about it. My last two hookups (which is very TMI) had become an eye-opener to me since they asked me questions I wasn’t prepared to answer. Those questions are relatively easy for people to respond to, but when it comes to me, I find it very hard to explain myself, and it’s not just because I have to respond to them using English (which, if you haven’t noticed yet, it’s not my first language). I had difficulty expounding what I felt to those guys because I hadn’t thought about it that much since I wasn’t expecting to have those questions thrown at me.
I responded with many excuses as to why I haven’t been dating anyone yet since I told them I am still inexperienced in dating. They were surprised when I told them I still hadn’t had any boyfriends, and they followed up if I wanted to be with them or something along those lines. I didn’t know what to feel then since those questions were thrown at me by those guys when we first met up. After sex, they asked me the questions, and I felt flattered, to be honest, since I thought they liked what I’d done with them, to even ask about dating. My personality and looks are a factor, too, and I am not saying that to boast about myself because I don’t consider myself as someone spectacular when it comes to those things, but what I mean by that is they like what they saw and interacted with, which is a boost to my ego.
When it comes down to it, I realise that I am still not ready to commit to someone in terms of dating them. I think I enjoyed my alone time well and became too independent of relying on someone. I talked about this to my brother (obviously not the dating thing, but the doing things alone) since we are mostly the same in this situation. I guess it’s just our personality that we got from our parents. Earlier, there was a team meeting on my work, and after the meeting, the manager planned for us to go bowling and just hang out with the rest of the team after a successful month of busy times. I told them I couldn’t go and made an excuse that I was going somewhere else, which is not a lie, but it’s something I made my mind to do just to avoid going with them. I think it’s because I also don’t want to hang around with my co-workers that much outside of work. I went to a coffee shop in Whyte Avenue and finished reading a book titled “ The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” and bought myself an Iced Latte while reading. This story is just one example of how I like to be with myself instead of being with someone.
There would be times wherein I asked myself why I could not be with someone right now. I also think that when I am alone and see someone that is a couple, why can’t I have that? I just become aware that maybe it’s because I don’t want to be in a relationship right now and there are just times that I crave to be in one, but in hindsight, I know that I can survive without that in my life. These are just jumbled thoughts that I have that I need to share with someone. My cousin, Ate Jam, knows this since I shared the situation with her when I got home from my last hookup and she knows how I feel about it. I wanted to share this in this blog so that I can look back in the future and see the difference in my feelings about dating. I don’t know if I am reading this in the future and I am with someone already, but who knows what decisions I could make, right? If someone I know is reading this, I am beyond fucked up since I don’t typically share this story with someone I am not close with.
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